BTW, the feeling that “maybe I’m just getting praised for playing the game really well as opposed to demonstrating actual merit” is so common that there is a term for it: impostor syndrome.

I’ve decided the condition is endemic, the only variable is who is willing to admit to it and who isn’t. I was chatting with my mother a few months ago. She’s had 13 books published in the last 15 years and every book of every print run has sold. I was trying to convince her that she should ask for some modest concession from her publisher when it came time to negotiate her next book contract. She hemmed and hawed and finally admitted that deep down she still feels like they are doing her a huge favor just to print her books at all and that she really can’t push them or they will wake up and realize they’ve been making a mistake all this time.

When I explained impostor syndrome to her and told her that lots of people have it, it was as if a light came on — she really thought she was alone on this one. She was relieved . . . but I don’t think even understanding the feeling made her any stronger in her next negotiation. We are each a work in progress, no?